What I learned from P90x

So 2011 was a great year for me. I continued with a great job and my number one goal was to really take some time to work on myself. The first part of the year I trained for a half marathon. Then afterwards with no goals to achieve I spent most of the summer regaining all that I had lost for the marathon. No problem, I've done it before... let's do it again. Enter P90x.

When I started the program I told myself that I would appreciate and look forward to every workout. The first stage of the workout was uncomfortable, but as I had made my 2011 motto, "Do the Uncomfortable" I pushed through.

This is what I did. Everyday when I got home, the first thing I did was put the DVD in the player and press play. It's hard to skip your workout once the workout started. Next, I made the decision to do everything on the DVD. I had tried starting P90x earlier in the year but failed. I think it was because I would skip the stretching or skip parts I didn't like. During this time however, I had a DVD player with a missing remote. So it forced me to do everything on the DVD from beginning to end. The third thing I keep telling myself during the workouts, was how much I loved it. After the workouts, I would look at myself in the mirror and say "Day __ this was the best workout!" After the first phase, I found that it wasn't very hard to motivate myself, I had become addicted to it.

As I continued to "press play" I found that I became competitive with myself. I wrote down for the most part my accomplishments. When I would review them, it would make me want to beat myself, I made a little game of it. As each day ticked away, workout after I workout, I started to see results. In the end I have lost over 20 pounds (from 200-180), dropped from a 36 to a 32.. I even have lines starting to show up in my stomach. I am more flexible than I was even in high school, my joints don't ache, I don't get headaches anymore and overall I feel amazing. I'm a 37 year single male, and when I was overweight it was hard to date or meet someone, it's feels good to have a pretty girl smile at me at the bar now:) With my outward transformation came an inward transformation as well. I wasn't depressed, I had confidence which not only helped my dating life but my work habits. I found that I was able to concentrate more at work, I had a desire to be good at everything I do. I had replaced the negative self talk with positive self talk. Overall I feel good about being alive, I love my body and I'm comfortable in my skin.

The most interesting side effect of P90x is how it has affected others around me. I have had many friends, relatives and acquaintances tell me that I have inspired them to change their lives. Including one friend who gave up smoking and my roommate who recently grabbed my P90x DVD's and proclaimed he was going to do it.

Finally, the only mistake I made. I bought new clothes during the second phase, I should have waited till the end... but I really do enjoy my new wardrobe!!

I'm a Hypocrite

Hypocrite

If you have every been in a vehicle with me you'll find that I am somewhat of a driver basher. I think that there are particular rules of the road and that everybody should know what they are. Now these aren't any sort of published rules but ones that reside comfortable in my cerebral cortex. I realize that other drivers can't read my mind, although how cool would that be if we could read minds? I would have aced my SAT's, sitting next to that one kid who has no friends and wears a cape, however he does own Google now..... mind reading can't be done!!

I want to apologize to the all the other drivers on the continent (bite me Europe) because yesterday as I was making my way through South Florida traffic, I found myself texting, driving, listening to Tupac's new album (what to soon?) and knitting my baby a sweater.

I'm working out again

So I have made up my mind that I am going to get back in shape. I know, I know..

" But you are in a shape, it's a pear shape... but a shape none the less." said you reading this blog outloud

I am finding that I am having to give up a lot of foods I like. Notice I didn't say comfort food. Everytime I hear that phrase, I picture myself hunched over the edge of my bed wearing a pair of 80's basektball shorts, an Alf t-shirt with long tube socks. A giant chicken wing has his delicious bar-be-que drenched appendage around me..

"So those boys were mean to you at school today?" says giant Chicken wing
"I'm never going back, NEVER!!!!" as I turn to take a bite of his pevis
"SERIOUSLY!!!!" yelps the Chicken wing

Now if you are a fat kid like me, no doubtly you've recently spent some time at McDonald's. When I was a kid Micky D's food looked like a pimply faced ginger had taken a mallet to this grand Mac before wrapping it up and serving it to me. But now!!! holy cow!!! (Get it holy cow), their food is actually pretty good.

I must mention this, what the hell is Grimace? Is he like a genetically mutated egg plant or maybe he was pals with Willy Wonka and one day Will had him try a new Blueberry pill meal.

"Come on try it, seriously you'll be fine." said Willy
"Okay, "as Grimace took the fancy purple pill
"OH that was not a good idea," Grimace continues
"No, yeah I agree!! Hey Orange thing roll him away, thanks. Your a gem"

Ever notice McDonald's doesn't support the Hamburgular anymore. I always wondered if maybe all these characters were at some "How to be the best cartoon brand " convention in Orlando.

Mickey Mouse, Hamburgular, the Noid and McGruff the crime dog are all enjoying an appletini at cocktail hour. Next thing you know, Hamburgular runs off!!

"WHAT??!?! that f^&king Hamburger thief stole my wallet!!!" said McGruff the crime dog, as he frantically searches his pockets
"Here's a couple a hundred, I got plenty!!" Mickey says as he hands McGruff a wade of bills
"A#$hole," McGruff mumbles under his breath
"Anybody feel like chicken," says the Noid

Just a side thought, wouldn't you think McGruff the crime dog would word perfect with the whole Mc theme?

I'll leave you with that.

New Job- New Life

New Job

I took a job working part-time at Kiss Country in Miami. I like how I said I took a job, like I walked into JobBucks and ordered a part-time job with room for cream. Honestly, thought after my last job I would become a professional fisherman or maybe be an inventor, however I had settled on being a professional nothinger. But after 3 months of being a professional nothinger I found that those who had jobs, like the people working the billing counters at the cable company, needed me to pay for there childs orthodontics and porsches. So I found myself looking for a job.

As part of my new job duties, I am required to attend concerts. I know right, so unfair! So last night me and Dani P went to the Brad Paisley concert in West Palm. Now I have only lived in Florida since March but I have noticed a growing theme of people who always complain about how hot is it. Shouldn't you expect it to be hot by now?

"Man its so hot, whew... like as hot as something that is hot." said complaining hot guy
"I know, it's all so airy out here, some much air.. blah and so many babies and animals and trees, stupid trees." I reply

So Brad Paisley's dad was at the concert last night and I wondered, you think when Brad was a kid in his room playing the guitar that he ever turned to him and said "Go get a real fucking job and STOP playing that guitar!!!" Probably not.

Football and Beer

Critics



So I was thinking that I could become a movie critic. Why not, I really like movies and just ask my girlfriend... I love to criticize things, especially her driving. However, as I read my future collegues critques of movies, I noticed that they always use sub-human words to desribe there reviews. Here is an example of a recent review for the movie "The Other Guys" starring Marky Mark and Willy Will.



"I was perunafied about the duo-love of the seculiar drive of this Keisha couple." Bill Maze The Pershing Middle School Review



No idea.



Are you ready for some football?

The Hall of Fame game was on TV last night, a few short weeks away is the beginning of the football season. I recently read a story about how the officials messed up the super bowl back in 2006. Now don't get me wrong, I love old people, I think they are cute and cuddly and who doesn't like going to a soda shop and sharing a milk shake with a grandma/grandpa type? The problem? The officials are too old!!!

When the official rolls out in a wheelchair with a shaw over their lap and is smoking a pipe, I think its time to get a new younger model. I'm not saying that we should have infants to officiate, honestly, although very entertaining to see a couple of babies on the football field during a game, I really think that would be too dangerous. Seriously there are no guys between the age of 25 to 35 that can determine what a hold is? The moth ball smelling guy with the coke bottle eye wear is the only one qualified to tell me about illegal motion?

Beer
I love a good beer. My problem is that I will go get a 12 pack and drink 10 of them in one session. Now I didn't think I was an acoholic, mainly because I think it is difficult to become something that I can't even spell... al cho lic, a lca hall lic... until I woke up the next morning completely naked from the waste down, wearing a parka and eye liner. Plus I'm pretty sure I had sex with my car. (editors note: While I was doing research for this blog entry I found this !!! Really somebody has done this, ha ha ha ha ha!!!)

Not Working Blog

Hey Blog,

Well it has been a super long time since I wrote to you. The reason... I'm super lazy. Could you imagine me as the President of the US.

"Hey Mr President, the Russian are attacking us." said Secretary of the Treasury
"I'll deal with it later, I'm watching Dead Like Me Season 2 on Roku right now." I reply

I could never be President because last time I did any campaigning I kept kissing hands and shaking the babies, that was a lousy 2 1/2 years in Prison. Although, I did have a boyfriend who treated me like a desert rose. I miss you Roberto and yes that isn't just a tattoo teardrop but a reminder of what we had.


I'm out of work

So I quit my last job. It's actually the 4th time I have walked on a job without having another. The first job I walked on, I working as a Serbian Child Labor Manager. I know what your thinking "you quit a management job, wow... your an idiot, you must of had amazing benefits" true that, they did have a great dental plan, but ugh the hours. I was in charge of the beanie babie division. It was amazing what a 6 month old can do with a little paste, clothe and a whip. Seriously, I couldn't handle all the crying after a while. It would be like being on airplane for 12 hours with a plane full of babies, "I'm hungry, I'm tired, I have a poopie diaper," they would whine all day. And like my Uncle Charlie use to say, "No matter what it does to provoke you, never hit a baby." Great words from a great man.


The Second job I walked on was when I was the head botanist for the Bacholer and Bacholerette. Somebody had to grow those perfect TV roses. But one day I was having a conversation with Chris Hanson about my dog Millie and he said, "I don't care about your dog," and walked away. What an ass, so I quit.

The third job I walked on was when I played point guard for the Cleveland Cavaliers. With no Lebron, whats the point. Get it point?

Finally, I was the morning show host for WYKS in Gainesville. Part of my duties included getting naked in a milky calm bath with my boss and shaving his back while singing Lady Gaga songs. Big problem, I can't remember any Lady Gaga lyrics.

" Something something Poker Sticker..."

Now your thinking, "Why didn't you just stream Pandora and set up a Lady Gaga station, problem solved." Well I totally suggested that, but he went off on how Pandora is ruining his revenue stream and how I must be secretly trying to destroy his business. Plus, I didn't have my own parking space, so I walked.

Okay now lets play a quick game. Which point in the last paragraph is actually true? Feels like Dora the Explorer doesn't it?

"Donde esta Mapa?" ask Dora
"It's in the fucking backpack!!" yells the little girl at the TV screen

Well if you guessed I was secretly trying to destroy his business, then you guessed correctly!!! Give yourself a hand or a hand job which ever is most appropriate to the location in which reading this blog.

I'll try to write more blogs. I was thinking of taking all these blogs and putting them in a book. Although there not all on here, I have about 200 of them. That is a lot.

bye,
Brian Sims

ps, I realize that the Secretary of Treasurey problably wouldn't be the guy to tell the President that the Russians are attacking. I also didn't mean to say that we have any sort of political stress currently with Russia, to be honest, I have no idea where Russia even is on a map or if in fact we have any problems with them as a people or country. All I know is that there drinks are very racist, really White Russian, super racist.

How to Get Rich Without Even Trying

You can't. I have been reading a lot of self-help books recently. The latest is called "The Science of Getting Rich," by Wallace D. Wattles. Its a quick read with some delightful nuggets of info for those of us on the path to riches. It impressed me that Wattles wrote this book in 1910, before the invention of TV and really everything else I see around me.

One of the most impressive principles he spoke of is to visualize your goals as though it already exist. Wattles goes on to say how everything you see around you started as a single thought within one person and now like a magician those ideas have become items. Again this was written in 1910. Imagine if Wattles lived today, I'm sure he would be more than impressed.

I have always wondered if I went back in time and could show my ancestors the internet, they probably would grab sticks and destroy the "demon box" because to them it would be like black magic. However, now we are surrounded by former invisible ideas that are real tangible items. I'm so impressed with that mind that was able to come up with TV or texting or the Ipad.

So the key to getting Rich is to just image it. To create a world in your mind that has you with all the stuff, money, houses, people, fruits, DVD's whatever it is that you want. Focus on your creative ideas and then act on it. Make it so. It's that easy.

If I look back at the past few months of my life, I have been working on using my mind to meditate on the direction that I wanted my life to go. I knew I had talents and I knew that if I focused hard enough that my goals would be completed. They were and with the exact precision of the world that I created in my mind. Wattles book served as a reminder of what I have already done and continue to do.

But why not be rich? According to Wattles his method to get rich is a 100% guarentee. If you just thought as you read that last sentence "Come on, give me a break," then you've already failed. It only works if you want it to and if you follow his Certain way.

I too have found some obstacles that interupt my perfect mind world. First of all, sometimes I don't believe I deserve it. I realized a few years ago that my personal relationship wasn't exactly where I wanted it to be. You see at my core I found that I didn't believe in myself. I didn't think I was good looking, I deserved it, or that an attractive girl would even like me. However, one day it just dawned on me that I wasn't doing myself any favors by holding on to these negative thoughts, within months after letting them go I found a beautiful girlfriend. We've been together for two years now.

Okay so back to getting rich. I currently have more money than I have ever had. It wasn't anything magical, I didn't win the lottery or find gold. All I really did was think about what I wanted and keep my negative thoughts out of my perfect mind world. We really do deserve anything we want.

The Mega Awesome Taebo Workout