Hey Blog,
The Upsale
I have always thought the upsale was a rather tacky sales idea. I understand from statistics and the internet that the upsale is something that is rather useful for businesses who are trying to add just a little more revenue. So I thought for the next week I would buy everything that was upsaled to me. First stop the post office. I just went to mail a package to my son... I left with a p.o. box, boxes for packing, a stamp machine and an old postal truck (actually it's pretty cool, since the steering wheel is on the other side, I like to drive on the wrong side of the road and sing British pub songs)
Candy Corn
Could you imagine the marketing group that had to sell this idea.
"Okay guys, we have a new kind of candy, what should we call it?" asks the a tall slender man with coke bottle glasses.
"Can we call it Satan's ass chunks? That's kinda of what it tastes like." said one executive
"How about Candy teeth? It is shaped like a tooth." another yells
"I got it Candy Corn, because even though its made from chalk and glue... it looks like corn, everyone will be tricked into thinking it's actually editable. "
Evil laughs break out around the room.
I wonder why they haven't made candy broccoli or candy eggplant. I would try candy cauliflower.
Seasame Street Anniversary
So it's the 40th anniversary of Seasame Street. If your anywhere around my age you remember sitting in a osh gosh jumper, sucking down a capri sun and enjoying the rambling of Bert and Ernie, Big Bird and Count Von Count. Those were simple days, when the big news was which letter and number I learned for the day. However, I did have a unibrow till I was in the 5th grade because Bert told me to be me. Kids can be cruel.
Okay blog, have a good day..
JD
Friday, November 6, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The Balloon Boy is my hero
Hey Blog,
I'll be honest, I love the stuff on the balloon boy. How rich that a Dad would spend time building an alien space craft that surveys rain clouds.
"So rain clouds, do you feel wet?" surveys alien space craft
"Sometimes." answers rain cloud
"Me too." as alien space craft puts his arms around rain cloud.
I don't fault the Dad for what he did, he's just trying to get on a reality tv show... and he did. Tool Academy
Fine for @#$
I was training for my half-marathon the other day and saw a sign that said "Fine for not picking up dogs waste $25-$200"
My first thought was to congratulate the dogs, because you know all the dogs got together in the early 90's and were like, "hey lets get back with these humans... let's make them pick up our crap!!!" then their evil plan was put into action.
Then I was wondering what is the difference between a $25 and let's say a $150 fine. Is it whether or not your dog ate corn the night before? Maybe it goes by weight, color or maybe texture
"Hey Bob, how was work today?" ask Steve at the bar
"Good, Steve.... I totally fined a chick and her dog for $125... you should have seen the size of his stool, it even have hotdogs in it!!!" as Bob gives Steve a high five
"What's that smell?"
good night blog,
JD
I'll be honest, I love the stuff on the balloon boy. How rich that a Dad would spend time building an alien space craft that surveys rain clouds.
"So rain clouds, do you feel wet?" surveys alien space craft
"Sometimes." answers rain cloud
"Me too." as alien space craft puts his arms around rain cloud.
I don't fault the Dad for what he did, he's just trying to get on a reality tv show... and he did. Tool Academy
Fine for @#$
I was training for my half-marathon the other day and saw a sign that said "Fine for not picking up dogs waste $25-$200"
My first thought was to congratulate the dogs, because you know all the dogs got together in the early 90's and were like, "hey lets get back with these humans... let's make them pick up our crap!!!" then their evil plan was put into action.
Then I was wondering what is the difference between a $25 and let's say a $150 fine. Is it whether or not your dog ate corn the night before? Maybe it goes by weight, color or maybe texture
"Hey Bob, how was work today?" ask Steve at the bar
"Good, Steve.... I totally fined a chick and her dog for $125... you should have seen the size of his stool, it even have hotdogs in it!!!" as Bob gives Steve a high five
"What's that smell?"
good night blog,
JD
Monday, October 5, 2009
Two In a Row... I'm like the Lions
wait the Lions lost... my bad.
Hey Blog,
Monday Night Football
So tonight Dani P and I are going to meet up with some friends to watch football together. Dani is really excited because she has been having a hard time finding friends. Well now here we go to watch football, drink some brews and have a good time. However, it got me to think.... Dani hates watching football. You see when we first started dating we would go watch football all the time... she would talk stats, explain the nickel defense and she even knew the New England fight song. Now, after two years of being together, she refuses to watch. Except now we have "new friends" she's a fan again. Beware new friends, a year from now we'll all be watching Hollywood Housewives or Toddlers and Tiaras instead of football.
Some random thoughts
I got a letter today that said "to whom it may concern," that's actually my cousins name... I bet he gets a ton of mail.
I was in a dunk tank over the weekend, all I could keep thinking was... "now I know how chicken nuggets feel"
If you don't shave between your eyes we call that a unibrow.... but if we do we just call them eyebrows... shouldn't they be could bi-brows?
Speaking of shaving, I shave my feet.
Sometimes when I text in the car... i'm swearing at the other drivers
I call them snowwoman because they have no junk.
okay that's all blog, have a good day.
-JD
Hey Blog,
Monday Night Football
So tonight Dani P and I are going to meet up with some friends to watch football together. Dani is really excited because she has been having a hard time finding friends. Well now here we go to watch football, drink some brews and have a good time. However, it got me to think.... Dani hates watching football. You see when we first started dating we would go watch football all the time... she would talk stats, explain the nickel defense and she even knew the New England fight song. Now, after two years of being together, she refuses to watch. Except now we have "new friends" she's a fan again. Beware new friends, a year from now we'll all be watching Hollywood Housewives or Toddlers and Tiaras instead of football.
Some random thoughts
I got a letter today that said "to whom it may concern," that's actually my cousins name... I bet he gets a ton of mail.
I was in a dunk tank over the weekend, all I could keep thinking was... "now I know how chicken nuggets feel"
If you don't shave between your eyes we call that a unibrow.... but if we do we just call them eyebrows... shouldn't they be could bi-brows?
Speaking of shaving, I shave my feet.
Sometimes when I text in the car... i'm swearing at the other drivers
I call them snowwoman because they have no junk.
okay that's all blog, have a good day.
-JD
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Crazy life... crazy people and that's my excuse
Hey Blog,
So apparently people do read this blog.. and I it's been a super long time since I've updated it. In my defense, I feel like I have a miraid of outlets to share my personal excursion. However, you made it known... actually you demanded that I blog... So here I go.
Toast
I don't trust my toaster. Sometimes I think I'm going to leave it in too long, so I stand over it and watch it. However, I can't tell whether or not it's actually being toasted, cause all I see are those red hot grills on the side... So I hit the up button and sure enough it isn't toasted. Of course, you can't just push it back down.. cause the toaster likes to punish you for not having faith in it.
Law of Attraction
I have been reading a lot of books lately about the law of attraction. It simply states that what you think about is what you attract. So I have decided to put it to the test. It totally works, I now drive a porsche, travel all the time and I have a lion's tail. Thanks Universe.
Mustache
I have been trying to grow a mustache, mostly because i'm 35 and was hoping that I still didn't grow facial hair like a 12 year old girl. I do. However, I do have the chest of a 12 year old boy... that's right one hair named Harold.
In an effort to create synergy in my life I have decided to use more words like synergy and to use every avenue possible to create my own online community. So here are all the ways we can touch each other.... wait, twitter: http://twitter.com/JDGATOR1079 facebook: http://www.facebook.com/brian.jd.sims?ref=name more facebook: type in The Gator Morning show
love you blog,
JD
So apparently people do read this blog.. and I it's been a super long time since I've updated it. In my defense, I feel like I have a miraid of outlets to share my personal excursion. However, you made it known... actually you demanded that I blog... So here I go.
Toast
I don't trust my toaster. Sometimes I think I'm going to leave it in too long, so I stand over it and watch it. However, I can't tell whether or not it's actually being toasted, cause all I see are those red hot grills on the side... So I hit the up button and sure enough it isn't toasted. Of course, you can't just push it back down.. cause the toaster likes to punish you for not having faith in it.
Law of Attraction
I have been reading a lot of books lately about the law of attraction. It simply states that what you think about is what you attract. So I have decided to put it to the test. It totally works, I now drive a porsche, travel all the time and I have a lion's tail. Thanks Universe.
Mustache
I have been trying to grow a mustache, mostly because i'm 35 and was hoping that I still didn't grow facial hair like a 12 year old girl. I do. However, I do have the chest of a 12 year old boy... that's right one hair named Harold.
In an effort to create synergy in my life I have decided to use more words like synergy and to use every avenue possible to create my own online community. So here are all the ways we can touch each other.... wait, twitter: http://twitter.com/JDGATOR1079 facebook: http://www.facebook.com/brian.jd.sims?ref=name more facebook: type in The Gator Morning show
love you blog,
JD
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Death and the Birthday Fairy
Hey Blog,
My birthday was last week and I realize other than Jesus no one gets a fictional character for there birthday. Halloween has ghosts, you lose your teeth, you get a fairy... why not a magical birthday fairy that leaves you present at the foot of your bed. Or an aging midget that kicks you in the shins... anything would be cool.
Michael Jackson
He died. It's sad, although it seems to me that everybody forgot that he was messed up in the head. If you ever wanted to be Rich and Famous... look at the life of Michael Jackson. I get the rich part... I would love to have an indoor pool full of gummy bears and jelly beans, but I couldn't handle not being able to leave my palace without having people all over my grills. Every where you went people would bother you, pulling at you, taking your picture... no wonder he was crazy.
Transformers
Was long. Seriously that movie needed an intermission. Plus the birthday midget left my son a transformer for his birthday, I think you need a degree from MIT to figure the thing out. It made me feel dumb, like Microsoft Vista and people who can speak more than one language.
that's all, love you blog
JD
My birthday was last week and I realize other than Jesus no one gets a fictional character for there birthday. Halloween has ghosts, you lose your teeth, you get a fairy... why not a magical birthday fairy that leaves you present at the foot of your bed. Or an aging midget that kicks you in the shins... anything would be cool.
Michael Jackson
He died. It's sad, although it seems to me that everybody forgot that he was messed up in the head. If you ever wanted to be Rich and Famous... look at the life of Michael Jackson. I get the rich part... I would love to have an indoor pool full of gummy bears and jelly beans, but I couldn't handle not being able to leave my palace without having people all over my grills. Every where you went people would bother you, pulling at you, taking your picture... no wonder he was crazy.
Transformers
Was long. Seriously that movie needed an intermission. Plus the birthday midget left my son a transformer for his birthday, I think you need a degree from MIT to figure the thing out. It made me feel dumb, like Microsoft Vista and people who can speak more than one language.
that's all, love you blog
JD
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Hey Blog,
I hate summer television, I never understood why they can't keep our shows running all year long. I mean I have to work all year long. It seems it would make sense for advertising. Therefore I am forced to watch shows like the bachelorette. Here is every conversation on the bachlorette
"So Kipton tell me about yourself?" said the bachelorette
" Well I'm the kind of guy that never self analizes himself."
" Your cute lets make out!"
Kids
I have had the opportunity to observe parents of little kids the past few weeks and I thinks it funny the interactions they have. This was a recent interactions between my co-host Blue and Tim Mcginnis from Channel 15 as their kids played together.
"So Tim how you liking the new job at Channel 15" asked Blue
"It's going really good Blue.... hey hey put that snake head down.... everybody is really nice." Tim replies
"Yeah you do a great... hey don't drink that battery acid... job over there... no no son, don't choke that bunny." Blue exclaims
"Thanks, I really like your sh.... HEY!!!! DON'T HANG YOUR SISTER FROM A TREE!!!... ow at Gator."
I love kids. I was going to book a party at Wee Jump and go to the parks and invite random kids to go.. but then I thought, that's a really bad idea.
love you blog,
JD
I hate summer television, I never understood why they can't keep our shows running all year long. I mean I have to work all year long. It seems it would make sense for advertising. Therefore I am forced to watch shows like the bachelorette. Here is every conversation on the bachlorette
"So Kipton tell me about yourself?" said the bachelorette
" Well I'm the kind of guy that never self analizes himself."
" Your cute lets make out!"
Kids
I have had the opportunity to observe parents of little kids the past few weeks and I thinks it funny the interactions they have. This was a recent interactions between my co-host Blue and Tim Mcginnis from Channel 15 as their kids played together.
"So Tim how you liking the new job at Channel 15" asked Blue
"It's going really good Blue.... hey hey put that snake head down.... everybody is really nice." Tim replies
"Yeah you do a great... hey don't drink that battery acid... job over there... no no son, don't choke that bunny." Blue exclaims
"Thanks, I really like your sh.... HEY!!!! DON'T HANG YOUR SISTER FROM A TREE!!!... ow at Gator."
I love kids. I was going to book a party at Wee Jump and go to the parks and invite random kids to go.. but then I thought, that's a really bad idea.
love you blog,
JD
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Being a Celebrity
Hey Blog,
Dani P is on an Episode of Burn Notice tonight on USA. It is the start of her celebrity. She has mentioned several times that she wants to be on a reality tv show, actually the bachlor... I think she broke up with me.
I'm a celebrity get me out of here
I had a chance to watch this show last night. It sucked. Really two Baldwin brothers and Sanjaya?!?!? My pool guy is more of a celebrity, he use to be on Eight is Enough. Anyway, I just want to be famous enough to be on a celebrity weight-loss show or a guess briefcase on Deal or No Deal.
Hide a key
So after having to break into my new place 7 times I had the bright idea of making another key and hiding it. Unless you the biggest idiot in the world you should have no problem finding my key. It's under the only thing on my porch it could be under... the buddha statue. Great idea... might as well just leave the door open with posted hours of when i'm gone.
love you blog,
JD
Dani P is on an Episode of Burn Notice tonight on USA. It is the start of her celebrity. She has mentioned several times that she wants to be on a reality tv show, actually the bachlor... I think she broke up with me.
I'm a celebrity get me out of here
I had a chance to watch this show last night. It sucked. Really two Baldwin brothers and Sanjaya?!?!? My pool guy is more of a celebrity, he use to be on Eight is Enough. Anyway, I just want to be famous enough to be on a celebrity weight-loss show or a guess briefcase on Deal or No Deal.
Hide a key
So after having to break into my new place 7 times I had the bright idea of making another key and hiding it. Unless you the biggest idiot in the world you should have no problem finding my key. It's under the only thing on my porch it could be under... the buddha statue. Great idea... might as well just leave the door open with posted hours of when i'm gone.
love you blog,
JD
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