I'm a Hypocrite

Hypocrite

If you have every been in a vehicle with me you'll find that I am somewhat of a driver basher. I think that there are particular rules of the road and that everybody should know what they are. Now these aren't any sort of published rules but ones that reside comfortable in my cerebral cortex. I realize that other drivers can't read my mind, although how cool would that be if we could read minds? I would have aced my SAT's, sitting next to that one kid who has no friends and wears a cape, however he does own Google now..... mind reading can't be done!!

I want to apologize to the all the other drivers on the continent (bite me Europe) because yesterday as I was making my way through South Florida traffic, I found myself texting, driving, listening to Tupac's new album (what to soon?) and knitting my baby a sweater.

I'm working out again

So I have made up my mind that I am going to get back in shape. I know, I know..

" But you are in a shape, it's a pear shape... but a shape none the less." said you reading this blog outloud

I am finding that I am having to give up a lot of foods I like. Notice I didn't say comfort food. Everytime I hear that phrase, I picture myself hunched over the edge of my bed wearing a pair of 80's basektball shorts, an Alf t-shirt with long tube socks. A giant chicken wing has his delicious bar-be-que drenched appendage around me..

"So those boys were mean to you at school today?" says giant Chicken wing
"I'm never going back, NEVER!!!!" as I turn to take a bite of his pevis
"SERIOUSLY!!!!" yelps the Chicken wing

Now if you are a fat kid like me, no doubtly you've recently spent some time at McDonald's. When I was a kid Micky D's food looked like a pimply faced ginger had taken a mallet to this grand Mac before wrapping it up and serving it to me. But now!!! holy cow!!! (Get it holy cow), their food is actually pretty good.

I must mention this, what the hell is Grimace? Is he like a genetically mutated egg plant or maybe he was pals with Willy Wonka and one day Will had him try a new Blueberry pill meal.

"Come on try it, seriously you'll be fine." said Willy
"Okay, "as Grimace took the fancy purple pill
"OH that was not a good idea," Grimace continues
"No, yeah I agree!! Hey Orange thing roll him away, thanks. Your a gem"

Ever notice McDonald's doesn't support the Hamburgular anymore. I always wondered if maybe all these characters were at some "How to be the best cartoon brand " convention in Orlando.

Mickey Mouse, Hamburgular, the Noid and McGruff the crime dog are all enjoying an appletini at cocktail hour. Next thing you know, Hamburgular runs off!!

"WHAT??!?! that f^&king Hamburger thief stole my wallet!!!" said McGruff the crime dog, as he frantically searches his pockets
"Here's a couple a hundred, I got plenty!!" Mickey says as he hands McGruff a wade of bills
"A#$hole," McGruff mumbles under his breath
"Anybody feel like chicken," says the Noid

Just a side thought, wouldn't you think McGruff the crime dog would word perfect with the whole Mc theme?

I'll leave you with that.