Tuesday, March 31, 2009

My teeth look bad

Hey Blog,

So Blue said I need to get my teeth whitening. Dani always tries to get me to wear Crest White Strips... I'm seeing a common theme. You love me the way I am, don't you blog?

Charity Event
So tonight I will be at Gordan Bierch for a charity event. I always think it funny when people get drunk for charity, my hangover the next morning feels better when I know I did it for a good cause.

Dirty Things
I dont consider myself a germ a-phobe but I have been thinking a lot lately of the things that are really dirty around me.

1) My keyboard that I blog on, is flithy... oh god I just touched my eye
2) The remote control in my bedroom.
3) My eye
4) The door handle of my car.
5) The top of my germX.
6) Did you know you can get crabs from a public toilet seat? Thanks to my 7th grade science teacher Mr. Hendershot for telling me that 20 years ago, since then if i'm doing number two in public.. I panic.
7) A one dollar bill- it's like carry a toliet in your purse or back pocket!!
8) Next time you eat at a restaurant before you put that fork in your mouth, think of how many 100's or 1000's of people have had that in their mouth, then think... you are trusting the restaurant to clean that fork... then you look on the floor and see raw sewage.

okay i'm going to go throw up now blog.

love,
JD

Sunday, March 29, 2009

To Much Info Lady

Hey blog,

Haircut
So Dani made me get a haircut yesterday, which is rather painful for me because I'm not sure how many I have left... keep your fingers cross. Now I understand that some people enjoy talking, I do.. heck I make a living out of talking. But when all I want to do is get my haircut I don't need all the sorted details of your life. This is a list of some of the things my hair dresser told me yesterday and I swear i'm not making any of these up.

1) Her grandmother found out when her husband died that he had another kid- she had 16 kids
2) Her dad and her and her kids are all bastards, as she puts it "My kids are third generation bastards."
3) Every family reunion she has ever had, the police are called.
4) Her grandmother had twins and one of the them was taken away from her at the birth
5) Her great aunt use to get beat by her husband
6) She loves to karaoke but she isn't that good.
7) She thinks my radio station is too slow after 12:30
8) mumble mumble mumble, laugh really loud

I could have lived my life without knowing most to all of that.

I love you blog,
JD

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Crazy Demon Squirrel

Hey Blog,

I had a fun time with my brother and Dad yesterday. I hadn't seen my brother for almost 4 years. We played a round of golf, which I haven't done in a long time as well. It was fun however there were these crazy demon squirrels. I had never seen anything like it, they had teeth like a walrus, they would stare at you and lick there lips and they keep trying to borrow money.

The Economy
So this might sound really really weird but ever since the economy has gone in the crapper, I put up an economy force field. Now I didn't buy a force field from a guy on ebay or anything, but I just imagined that I wouldn't be effected by the negative economy. Anyway, I have something really exciting that is happening that I can't mention right now, but once again... suck it economy!!!! Ha Ha Ha, I win again.

Buffalo Wild Wings
When Dani and I first went out together we went to BDub's. It was a magical time with beer and boneless chicken wings. However, now were both seeing a personal trainer, so all we could eat was a piece of lettuce, a sweet and low packet and water. I miss not caring what I put in my body.

Okay blog, I'll try not to miss another day. I have been really busy at work and I know I know, that no excuse. This Saturday i'm in Georgetown at the AT&T store from 2p-4p come out and get a new phone and say "hi"

love,
JD

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Pickle

Hey Blog,

It must be hater week, I had someone get mad at me because of my bio on the website. I can think of better things to get mad at like:
1) Injustice in Guam
2) The War in Iraq
3) The taste of sweet pickles
4) Obama on Leno
5) Jay Leno's bio
6) dead baby seals
7) Octomom (although she does has have 14 kids and should be Deca-four Mom)

Blood Drive
Not a big fan of giving blood. I keep having a recurring nightmare where I give blood then the nurse turns to me and says "Opps, you got no more!!" then she takes a bite of an eggplant. I know weird nightmare. Anyway come out to Broadway on the Beach today to give blood today from 11a-7p

Okay short one today... my body is achy and I think I have the bird flu. That's the last time I make out with a pigeon.

love you,
JD

Monday, March 23, 2009

The Consultant

Hey Blog,

Well Dani P is in town for good and I'm happy. Although, she lost her luggage... actually she didn't lose it at all the airlines lost it. That's the most helpless feeling when the luggage belt stops and they announce their is no other luggage.

The Consultant
Our radio station has a consultant and he is in town this week. We went out to dinner and I asked him "Should I get the chicken or steak?" Think about it that's really funny.

Randy Owen Show
I got to do the stage annoucements. I had actually prepared a few minutes of material but once I got onstage and saw that there wasn't a person under the age of 72 there, I thought it was best to shelve my jokes about text messaging and the Real World. Although, it's ironic that my phone wouldn't let me text the word texted instead it texts the word textrd. Also, with the blackberry you can't ever call an office or a bank where you have to spell a name or enter your id info over the phone... since I have a qwerty pad instead of ABC. Randy Owen has beautiful hair.

March Madness
I hate it. I use to like it but then I entered a pool where top prize is $2,500. I'm not going to win. But I found myself routing for the number 16 seed to upset the number 1 seed. Plus, I find myself making deals with Satan... over $2,500!!! Stupid brackets. I'm a loser. Satan has beautiful hair.

That's all blog,
JD

Friday, March 20, 2009

Dani P is almost here

Hey Blog,

Well Dani P will be here by the end of the day. You know how it is when your girl isn't with you, it feels like you are missing an arm. I can't wait to see her perfect smile and to be able to hold her again. I know I sound like a hallmark card but it's been a long three weeks... plus we can go to B-Dub's together again! Super Yay.

Flat Tire
It is interesting the questions that people ask you when they see you have a flat tire.

"How did that happen, you run over something?" said the hillybilly in the Truck
"I think aliens came down, tried to estabish first contact with the tire. After a few hours of the aliens trying to communicate, they shot the tire with a Hyberator Gun in disgust and flew off to Jupiter." I replied with a thick layer of sacrism
"Oh, I like meat." he drives off.

March Madness
I love saying bracketology. Say it with me... bracket... to..logy... Ha Ha Ha. My team didn't make it this year because the NCAA is racist. Okay that was harsh, their probably not racist. But they do hate the Germans. I am in a pool where the top prize is $2500. Yeah I know that's super awesome. If I win the money, I'm opening a home for german orphans and I'm buying a dolphin. Why not I live at the beach, I could just put it on a leash and tie it to the boat dock. I would name him Aquatic and feed him triscuts.

Okay blog I have to go to the hair dressers so I look good for my Dani P.

love,
JD

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Green Beer

Hey Blog,

I know it's late but I literally worked today from 5am-7:30p with no breaks, except for 20 minutes at Subway Eat Fresh and Dr. Fitness, where I have lost almost 3 inches and 6% body fat in less than 3 weeks... call him today 843-455-3235!!! (ha ha it's fun to advertise)

The Green Beer
When my parents were kids everybody smoked cigarettes. You would walk by the soda shop and dime store and see 10 year olds puffing on their Lucky Strikes. I think at one point people thought that smoking was healthy. Now lets take a trip 30 years in the future, shall we
"Well JD it looks like your pancreas has eaten your liver." said Dr. Spock
"Wow how did that happen?" I respond
"Remember all that Green Beer you drank for St. Patrick day during the 00's, oops... not a good idea it seems!!!" he laughs to the side and starts to cough to cover it up

Plastic Gloves
Today I went to Wal-mart to pick up some Salad and q-tips. As I was buying my stuff, I noticed the cashier was wearing plastic gloves. Really? So your afraid your going to get some sort of hand std while counting back my $13.72. Let's take another trip to the future shall we.
"So your lungs just consumed your heart... sorry about that." said Dr. Spock
"Wow, how did that happen?" The former Walmart cashier with plastic clothes asks
"The plastic gloves... their toxic, who would have thought! Hey at least you don't smoke!!"

Oh by the way, before I left, I licked the cashier on the cheek!! Ha Ha Ha

love you blog,
JD

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Can't Wait for Dani P

Hey Blog,

Well only a few more days until Dani P shows up. She is making some rather big changes to live with me in Myrtle Beach and I'm really excited. She has already picked out our decor for the bathroom... Ryan Seacrest theme!! However, she wants a dog and I really don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility. Remember what happened when my old boss wanted me to take care of his parrot. Next thing I know the thing has a tattoo and is swearing in Urdu (which by the way is the national language of Pakistan- wikipedia rocks!!) So no dogs for now.

The New Facebook
I must be the biggest idiot in the world, because I go on facebook about 20 times a day and never realized it was different until I read everyone whining about the changes. So I did some investigating and found that there are things about the old facebook I missed, like;

1) No more free coupons to Denny's
2) I can't sign up to be in the free Nelson Mandala facebook club anymore
3) I noticed they don't have that one click thru that will help me make $40,000 dollars a week
4) I can't spy on my friends through there computers anymore (Jimmy get your hand out of your pants)
5) No more invites to Mobwars- seriously don't invite me, get a date... seriously
6) No more David Hasselhoff... damn you David Hasselhoff why did you cancel your account. At least your still on myspace

Okay blog, I'm dressing up tonight like the Incredible Hulk and going to go hang with co-eds at the bar. Peace out and Happy St. Patricks Day.

love,
JD

Monday, March 16, 2009

Meat on a Stick

Hey Blog,

So as you know I started with a personal trainer a few weeks ago. I have been struggling to eat right since I started. Just yesterday I went to the restaurant here in Myrtle Beach called Rioz. It is a brazillian steakhouse where they bring unlimited amounts of meat. I think I ate my body weight plus a toddler size child in meat yesterday. It's amazing to me that after that I would be hungry at all....ever

Bank Account
So today when I signed up for my bank account I was with a lady that I like to call "to much information lady." I have found that she is lonely and cried earlier in the day. I found out that she use to be a professional dart player for the San Diego Arrows and I found out that she once was the princess of a small island in the West Pacific. All great info, but I didn't care. Who I am kidding I cared and I almost teared up myself when you told me she cried earlier that day... stupid loneliness.

I talked about a new video that I made. Well the man said I couldn't show it. However, I did post it on my facebook. If your not my friend on facebook then shame on you... here's the link
I like having more friends just like you blog.

I love you,
JD

Sunday, March 15, 2009

The Casino Boat and the Parade

Hey Blog,

I do love a nice relaxing Sunday morning. So far I've watching some tv, made breakfast and a little blue bird sat on my finger and sang to me... I love Myrtle beach.

The Casino Boat
It joins the two things I love the most. Gambling and a moving buffet. If you haven't had a chance it's a lot of fun, especially when the boat starts rocking and endless shrimp and crablegs are flying around everywhere. I didn't fair that well and to be honest it was all my fault. I went all in on a top hand only to be beat by a better top hand. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about it's like entering a beauty contests for zebras and I'm the only horse, I might win but lets face it I don't have those pretty zebra strips.

The Parade
If you have never been in a parade it is an interesting experience. You feel like your being watched and judged by ever person you past by. Of course it doesn't help when people hold up signs that says your a 4. I always wonder if aliens are watching us, laughing

"Hey, Gotex! Check this out.. this guy in a van is throwing earthly sugar wrapped yum yums to people who are watching as he drives by." upclexed Jozer
"Stupid earthlians!!! Woooo the Bacholer ons!!" repexes Gotex

that's all for now blog, new video online tomorrow at gator1079.com. Also I might plug it into the blog!!!

love,
JD

Friday, March 13, 2009

Like a Deer in Headlights

Hey Blog,

Deer

So I never had a fear of deer, but Danielle, my sweet flower of a girlfriend, once hit one doing 70. Totalled the car, she was fine... the deer is now jumping fences in heaven. Every morning on my drive in I see deer grazing on the side of the road. I usually whisper... don't jump in front of Al... (Al is the name of my car, I use to have a car named Samatha... I loved her, she died) It got me thinking of other things I'm afraid of:

1) Sharks
2) Bees
3) Pogo sticks
4) Moldy bread
5) Meet on a stick
6) Puppets

and a Korea guy who uses sarcasm.

Parade tomorrow
So tomorrow Blue and I are in a St. Patricks Day parade. Anybody have any idea who we honor for St. Patricks Day, other than the obvious some guy named Patrick. It got me thinking, probably not the best idea to have a holiday that usually involves heavy drinking and pinching to also have a parade with dangerous deadly automobiles. Just saying.... But come out and maybe you can catch the souvenir blarney stones will be throwing. (Who's idea was that?!)

that's all for now blog, I'll try to catch up with you this weekend.

love,
JD

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Good Directions

Hey Blog,

Good Directions
So as you know I have only lived in Myrtle Beach for the past few weeks. I have found their are several ways that people give directions. There is the anger direction giver that "doesn't understand" why it is that you don't know where your going and is mad at you for not understanding where your going.

"It's right next to the dunkin dounts!" he yells
"Which one?" I ask
" Fine!!! Down the road from the McDonald's... you idiot!!" he sighs

There is the over detailed direction giver that gives landmarks that are familar to them but no one else.

"So you'll take a turn at the place that use to be called the Old Red Barn," they continue
"Although it hasn't been there for a couple of years. " they state Sweetly
" Thanks, I'll just stab myself in the eye there then." I reply

Then there is Garmin. My sweet lady voice of GPS that tells me in kind computerize british accent turn by turn directions. Sometimes when its just her and I in the car, I confess my undying love. I picture us running towards each other in a wheat field...my hair blowing in the wind.... her power cord blowing in the wind.... sometimes I stroke her face... typing sexy restuarants that we can drive to. However, sometimes she betrays me, leads me down the wrong path, a little out of the way. Or does she do that on purpose, just so she can spend some extra time with me... I wonder.

Passing along Knowledge
One of our interns the other day, bless her little beating heart, actually called me for directions. I'm not sure why, since, like i've said in the past, I've only been here 2 weeks or so. Her on the other hand has been here 5 years. So I yelled at her and told her how to get there making up imaginary landmarks along the way. Ha Ha Ha!!!

love you blog,
JD

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The Rap

Hey Blog,

So Rachel who is Danielle (my gf ) sister likes to bust out raps. I actually taught her how to play the guitar as well and I'm confident she'll be a big deal soon. Here is a rap she wrote for me

So your new radio name is jd sims.
You be swimmin like Micheal Phelps but you aint got no fins.
Yesterday I was cravin to dangle from the bunk bed.
Which reminds me of a line in a book I just read.It said i'm both happy and sad at the same time, i don't know how that could be.
But the thing i don't get is when a bald man has a beard, makes me ... Read More wonder if thats intentionally.
You're in Myrtle beach, and i'm still in Grand Rapids.
I never meant to preach, but i think it's time you follow Lenny Kratitz.
When you were twenty one, you had hair with a tender flop,
But now you don't look a day passed 18 with your tan and soap-op...era
Swag, like you just went to rehab,Because you got too many free movie pass...es.
You been swingin that golf club after watchin scrubs going to b dubs and soakin in suds while sippin on star bucks...?
You're the luckiest.
♥ MISSS YOUUUUUUUUU.

You can pick your own melody.

Dancing with the Stars
I tried to watch it, I didn't watch it, I can't watch it. I know it's the number one show on television but last time I tried to watch it I actually built a plastic room, had Danielle lock me in. Then she proceeded to hide all the knives and sharp pointy things I use to open the mail. We didn't want to have another "Real Housewives of Orange County" incident. I think it would be a better show if they also solved a crime in the middle of it, or maybe they were all crashed on a strange island that heals them. Then I might watch.

That's all for now blog, hope you enjoy the morning show... listen every morning 6am-10am or online at gator1079.com

love,
JD

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Out of Hotel

Hey blog,

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday but I went to my personal trainer and we did "fingers" therefore I was to sore to type.

The Move
So I'm not living in the hotel anymore. Of course as I was moving out I dropping all my clothes in the parking garage (and yes thank you to that wonderful thoughtful couple that pointed out that "I dropped something" as all my stuff laid on the dirty floor of the garage but never offered any help.. thanks) and I forgot my cell phone charger that's still plugged into the wall behind the bed. I am now living with my boss Jimmy. He has a really nice place and offered. I wasn't sure what Ms. Manners would say in the situation, but since I hate being in a hotel for any duration of time I took him up on his offer. Of course when I took him up he was like "Really?" and then whispered to himself, "crap, I was just being nice." Oh he also has Showtime!!!

So I was thinking. It's called North and South Carolina. Its called North and South Dakota. Why don't they call it East Virigina? Ponder that and get back with me blog.

love you,
JD

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Great First Week

Hey Blog,

Well the first week of recent employment felted really good. I have some great people I work with although I noticed that everybody has the same first letter of their name. It's kind of like that show on Oxygen or Bravo or something with the Amish lady who has 17 kids. Their is:
Jimmy, Johnny, JD, Jonathan, Jeramiah, Jason, Jugghead, and JBlue (the J is silent).

I am hiring
So this past week I had a ton of applicants for a position that I recently posted. As you know I was recently on the other side of that process. I remember I would think, "hey why didn't I get an email back?" Now I know why, because of the million or so applicates. So if you sent in an application, hang tight... I'll make an effort to get back to you. It is interesting though because I feel like a kid in a pet shop... I just want to take all of you home... or hire you... you get the analogy.

Go Cougs
I recently found out that my co-worker Blue had the same first job out of college. It was in Colfax, Wa. Look it up on google maps, it really exists. So we started talking and found out we share a lot!!

1) We both were born in the same hospital in Utica, New York
2) We both lost our virginity in the bathroom of a Wendy's while Stevie Wonder's Part Time Lover played over the loud speaker
3) We both have twins that went to war
4) We both love Jimmy (our boss)
5) We both use to be professional trampoline artists
6) We both were fired by Cirque du Soleil for not being "short" enough... stupid Jean-Paul Sartre
7) We both collect relics from the ancient Mayans
8) and were both amazing painters

and we both appreciate you blog. That's all for now.

Brian

Thursday, March 5, 2009

This Place is Haunted

Hey Blog,

I know it's early but I didn't blog yseterday because I was on my way home from work yesterday and dangling over the side of a bridge was a school bus full of diabetic blind children. So sure enough my super human strength kicked in and I was able to pull the bus back to safety. Glad to say all the kids were safe but as you can imagine I was pooped out.

My radio station is haunted

So yesterday I had to switch out computers at my desk and sure enough nothing worked right after. It was one of those problems where everybody in the building was scratching their heads. I was trying to reconnect to the network but the entire time my computer was spinning in mid-air spewing pea soup all over my desk... crazy ghosts. Needless to say I never got on the network

Personal Trainer
He was nice like Bob, but I can't feel anything from my waist down... not sure if that is normal. However, I am 212 my goal is to get back to my birth weight 8 pounds 8 oz!!!

I love you blog,
Brian "JD" Sims

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Misunderstanding

Hey blog,

Misunderstanding

So today I had a really interesting misunderstanding where I wrote a note to a publication and the person on the other end of the publication made some very interesting assumptions. Although, this isn’t technically the note or the misunderstanding the following example will make my point:

Brian writes: I am on the air now from 6am-10am on Gator 107.9
Publication: Brian from Gator killed a monkey dressed as Hitler and he’s now on the air from 6am-10am

I guess that’s why you can’t trust the media…. Except me of course, you can trust me.

Fat Pills

Well I’m fat, so I’m going to start taking fat pills. You might be one of the skeptics that says “Brian, you can’t take fat pills, they don’t work, they are a hoax.” Well I say “ poppycock!!! “ I’ve taken fat pills before and then I wasn’t fat. Also, you know that every antibiotic is just a sugar pill that the Dr’s tell you well cure your Typhoid fever or your Hepatitis #6, and you got better. Well I believe the fat pills will make me un fat… plus I’m starting with a personal trainer tomorrow, I hope he’s nice like Bob.

Okay blog that’s all for now, some fun stuff on the show tomorrow so be sure to listen online at gator1079.com

Love you,
Brian “JD “ Sims

Monday, March 2, 2009

JD in the Morning

Hey Blog,

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days, very hectic... plus the computer I'm using in the hotel doesn't have an "A" key.

JD in the Morning
So I am now better known as JD for my new job. I think it'll be fun, plus we aren't telling anybody what it stands for, but if you can guess I'll give you a hug next time I see you. I had several other names that didn't make the cut like:
Cooper
Duke
Dude
Marley
Ryan Seacrest
Paul Harvey (What to soon?)

Myrtle Beach
So this if the 14th state that I have lived in here's the list: New York, Alabama, Illinois, Texas, California, Washington, Idaho, Tennessee, Kentucky, Colorado, Michigan, Indiana, Florida and now South Carolina. Not bad, lots of pancake places and go-cart tracks... oh yeah and the beach!! Love it!!!

I miss Dani
So I miss Danielle a lot, although I now don't have to watch the bachelor finale. I think it would be funny if the bachelor and Deal or No Deal combined and you had to pick suitcases in order to find out whether or not you win the husband. I also think it would be funny if you could throw rocks at the bachelor.

Alright blog, that's all for now.. Say prayers for a little possum family somewhere in South Carolina, I killed there papa the other day I can just imagine the conversation

"Where is Papa?" asked the cute little one month old possum
"Papa is dead baby, papa is dead!!!" says mama possum as she is clinching here possum babies in her arms.

love you,
Brian